It was such an honor to be in the final three. We actually had the privilege of having brunch with the judges. It was so nice to have one on one time with them in a relaxed setting and not down at the panel. They really made all three of us feel like winners. We played a fun game with quotes from the girls in the loft. I realized that this was it. It was almost over. We were actually down to the very last step of our journey. It was brutal watching my casting tape. I was disgusted. I could not believe how bad I looked and I was actually proud of it. I felt like I did not even know that person anymore and I was ashamed to have known that person yet alone have been that person. I guess for the first time I actually saw how much I did change. -->I was not happy at all when the judges had me confront my boyfriend. He was the last person on the face of the earth I wanted them to bring to the loft. I have to say looking back now it really doesn't seem that bad though. It was hard to tell him about the pills, but he understood and was very accepting. When I was announced the winner I had a million and one emotions and thoughts run through my head. I was kinda in a state of shock and at the same time so happy. I felt like for the first time I actually accomplished something that I did all by myself and for myself. I had the help of no one and it was one of the most challenging things I have ever even attempted. I felt complete self-satisfaction. The best part I think came after I was announced the winner. The judges surprised me by flying my mom out!!!!! I was not sure if I was happier to see her or if I was happier to win. I love my mom soooooo much. We are so close and I have never gone this long without seeing her and I was not even able to call her either. My true happiest moment in the entire loft is when the door opened and I ran to give my mom a hug. It was definitely the best hug I ever had in my life!
I learned a lot during my time in the loft. I learned a lot about life and to appreciate life. I learned that it is not just all about me. The actions I choose do impact everyone around me. I think the biggest lesson I learned was that I need to be true to myself and not care what others think. I have made a lot of inner improvements. I voice my thoughts and opinions a lot more now. I say how I feel and not what I know people want to hear. All of my relationships have improved drastically. I am a lot more open with friends and family now. It is great. Since I have been home things have been a lot better for me. I gained ten to twelve pounds and I got my healthy glow back. I am back in my acting classes and really trying to focus on my career. I have found a sense of inner peace that I did not have prior to entering the loft. I am overall a much happier person. My quality of life is just so much better and I feel like a much more "real" person. I am grateful for the experience that I had. I feel like if I could accomplish the challenge of winning "Pretty Wicked" I can accomplish anything.
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